Monday, November 14, 2016

Bad Skin and Violet: a snippet

Hello all,

I have a draft I've forgotten about after nearing its completion, but today, after having difficulty getting out of bed, I finally got up to get ready for class.  The other night, I shared my makeup collection with someone and they asked why and for what reason my collection is the way it is.  Why buy more?  Or rather, why have what I have.  I have my own reasons, and today was one of those reminders.  At times, I have a really hard time feeling ready for the world, to go out and participate in life.  Time and time again, spending time in my rituals of "getting ready" of indulging in beauty has helped push me out the door.  I found a green eye liner in my bin today and decided to play with it, what resulted took much more time than I had planned on spending on my face.  But afterwards, the warmth I derived from allowing creative expression, from trying something I've never tried before, brought a sense of calm at eleven thirty am.  Anyway, this post isn't about that.  This is a brief reflection on my skin.

I've always classified myself as having troubled skin, as a teen, there were times when I would stand in front of the bathroom mirror and cry.  Followed, always, by a deep sense of frustration because I felt that such deep insecurity about skin was so shallow, but also, not being able to move past it.  For a long time, I couldn't accept it.  I hated my skin.  But as years passed, and in truth, my acne subsided, I learned to appreciate my skin.  I was determined to fall in love.  To this day, I still struggle with it.  I'll have bouts of clear skin and even longer periods of breakouts or healing.  Right now, I experiencing one such breakout after trying a new cleansing balm.  Stopping, and then trying again only to be proven that, Yes- my skin does not like this product.  I really enjoyed today's makeup, and yet, when I looked at photos I took to capture the look, I grew upset at how visible all my skins imperfections are.  I could see the raised pumps, and the pores, and the uneveness and it almost took away the pleasure I felt from drawing little white flowers on my lids or blending green into pink.  So I sat and thought about it, and thinking still as I write this.  I grew frantic and wanted to edit out all my blemishes.  But as I thought about it, I couldn't really find a reason as to why I should be so upset with my skin.  I've been fairly diligent in taking care of it after all.  A hormonal or new product based breakout isn't something I could help, so why was I so upset?  So I've decided to post these to share today's look.  My main hope was to document my recently adored use of violet blush as contour as well as showing my first try at a more visual/representative eye look.  In truth, I quite like it, and I end my rambling thoughts and settle at focusing on embracing my skin despite its flaws and continuing to celebrate violet blush as a small and wonderful push to get out of bed.  I've found that many view beauty as trivial, and yet, in its smallness, in its seeming non-necessity, I find myself drawing such delight and courage from it.   In truth, it might be through delving into beauty and its practice that I grew more and more comfortable in my own skin.  May it be spending an hour and a half on a precisely executed eye liner and red lipstick look or the minute it takes to put on sunscreen, it is in allowing myself the space and time to play and paint that I fell in love.  I answered that person that I firmly and wholeheartedly find the participation in beauty to be magical, transformative and in truth, beautiful.  Here is where we afford ourselves a time to experiment and play- to fall in love, blemish, pores, freckles, acne scars and whatever may have the sincere pleasure of gracing your face and body-  and all. 

I've used two violets for my contour and highlight.  The contour is Hello Waffle's Royale with Cheese and the highlight is Dreamworld's Sister of Swans.  I've used the contour many many times now and still haven't grown tired of it.  I'm eager to buy more violet and blue blushes and am glad to give this technique a second try after disliking it the first time I tried it a couple years ago.  I've since stopped using the balm, and am continuing my trials in incorporating The Ordinary Retinoid 2.0 Serum and Biologique Recherche's p50 lotion.